Those Phrases shared by My Parent Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a break - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."