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When I grew up in the 1990s, officials gave the impression that income inequality based on sex was most effectively handled by telling girls that they could do anything. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that systemic and societal barriers would yield to my self-assurance.

Scholars have since debunked the belief that a person can transform their existence through optimistic thoughts. Will Storr, in his publication Selfie, explains how the free-market ideology of fair competition underpins much of self-help culture.

Yet, I still feel remains convinced that by putting in the work and create a firm goal map, I should be able to realize my deepest aspirations: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. What is the path to a point of equilibrium, a stability between having faith in my boundless abilities but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Key Lies in Self-Effacement

The answer, as stated by an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, involves modesty. Augustine wrote that humility served as the base of all other virtues, and that in the quest for the divine “the first part is humility; the second, humility; the final, lowliness”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the concept of meekness may trigger a range of negative emotions. I grew up at a time in religious history when worrying about appearance was considered vain; lust was unacceptable outside of procreation; and just thinking about masturbation could lead to punishment.

I doubt that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but over a long period, I conflated “meekness” with embarrassment.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, as per mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean despising yourself. A person with balanced humility is proud of their abilities and successes while acknowledging that knowledge is infinite. Chandra describes various types of meekness: respect for diversity; respect for elders and youth; modesty in knowledge; awareness of limits; recognition of room for growth; meekness in insight; modesty in the face of wonder; and compassion in pain.

Psychological research has similarly found a range of benefits stemming from open-mindedness, encompassing increased toughness, patience and connection.

Humility in Practice

In my work as a pastoral care practitioner with elderly residents, I presently consider modesty as the effort of being present to the other. Meekness serves as a centering practice: coming back, breath by breath, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the individual across from me.

Certain individuals who share with me the same five anecdotes from their lives, time after time, during each visit. Rather than counting minutes, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What can I learn from this person and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Taoist Serenity

I attempt to embrace the philosophical approach which expert Huston Smith called “productive stillness”. Thinkers from Taoism urge individuals to silence the self and exist in harmony with the natural order.

This could be particularly important while people attempt to fix the damage our species has done upon Earth. In her book Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs notes that being humble helps us re-connect with “the animal inside, the creature that quakes toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of ignorance, enables us to recognize our species is a part of a greater entity.

The Elegance of Modesty

There exists an emptiness and despair that accompanies assuming no limits exist: success – be it becoming wealthy, losing weight, or gaining political power – turns into the sole valid outcome. Modesty allows for dignity and failure. I practice modesty, rooted in the earth, suggesting I have everything I need to grow.